A friend recently asked me how I was doing and I gave the automatic “fine”. Then she asked what was going on with me. I stopped for a moment and then explained that adoption fills nearly all of my thoughts these days. I spend hours thinking about our little girl or boy. What will they look like? What activities will they love? What thoughts will they think? I then move to more painful questions. Will they wish they hadn’t been adopted? Will I be good enough for them?
The adoption reading and research has really taught me one thing…I can’t control anything. That’s extremely hard for me because I live a life that is of my own making. It’s really hit home that we have no control over our own bodies to create a baby. We have no control over the production of the baby we will eventually adopt. We have no control over what the birth mother consumes or how she acts during her pregnancy. And we have no control over what our child will think or especially feel about the adoption, their birth family and us. The reading has made me realize that I have to completely let it all go and then I have to love my child as much as I can, be as responsive to their needs as possible, pay attention to the things they aren’t saying and not take things personally.
Adoption starts with loss and grief for everybody involved. The birth mother will never be able to parent the baby who grew in her and whom she loves. The baby will never get to be raised by the people who created her and to whom she has genetic ties. The baby starts life with a horrible loss (one that many people cannot understand). The adoptive parents grieve the loss of not being able to have a biological child.
I’ve had so many conversations with family and friends about adoption issues, but I think many people still struggle to understand. It’s a pervasive culture thought that the adoption should be celebrated (and it should), but those rejoicing need to remember that there was a loss involved and it’s okay for adoptees to have mixed feelings.
Since adoption is frequently in my thoughts, it’s frequently a topic of conversation. I’ve had a couple recent conversations with two of my friends. These were one on one conversations, so they were a little bit more intimate than the larger group discussions. Both individuals were raised by a single mother, one doesn’t know anything about her father and the other only knows about his birth father in passing, but knows nothing about his birth father’s family. Each person brought up their own feelings of loss when I talked about why an open adoption is so important. Each expressed how not knowing about their father has caused serious identity issues and each has emotional triggers that seem benign to the rest of us. Life is hard and it’s even harder to go through it when you don’t have the advantage of knowing where you come from. Many adoptees and people who were raised without a parent feel that loss every day. It’s like a limb that’s been removed and while it’s not necessarily constantly in their thoughts, there are daily reminders that one is living without something important.
I’m praying that we’ll be chosen by a mother (and if lucky a father) who want to stay involved in their child’s life, so that our son or daughter knows where they come from. I’m praying that Joel and I have the compassion to understand the mixed feelings our child experiences and that we’ll be able to meet their emotional needs around these issues.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
we got an exciting email
We received our first birth mother email today. In said emails, Journeys provides prospective adoptive families with the mother’s biography and asks them to decide if they’d like her to see their portfolio. For confidentiality’s sake, I’m not going to share any of the details of the email; however, I will say that it was quite exciting to get it and we responded affirmatively, stating that we’d like to be considered. I thinking we should know something, either way, in about two weeks (although, that’s only a guess).
The email was also had a serious emotional impact on me. As some of you may know, I had a gender preference, although our agency does not allow us to choose, since you wouldn’t be able to choose if you were pregnant. Today’s email was about a baby of the other gender, but I was still super excited. I didn’t even stop to think for split second, my thought was yes (right away). It made me realize that gender doesn’t really matter (which I knew deep in my heart already) and I’ll be thrilled with any baby no matter the gender.
I’m sure there are many families who will be considered, but I’m still excited.
The email was also had a serious emotional impact on me. As some of you may know, I had a gender preference, although our agency does not allow us to choose, since you wouldn’t be able to choose if you were pregnant. Today’s email was about a baby of the other gender, but I was still super excited. I didn’t even stop to think for split second, my thought was yes (right away). It made me realize that gender doesn’t really matter (which I knew deep in my heart already) and I’ll be thrilled with any baby no matter the gender.
I’m sure there are many families who will be considered, but I’m still excited.
Monday, March 26, 2012
the next few months / our service plan
Below is our service plan. I wanted to share it so that family and friends know what we'll be up to for the next couple months. Also, now you know why we will be bugging you to have lots of discussions and possibly read books over the next couple months. :)
Adoption Education
Strategies:
A: Attend Journeys of the Heart adoption education class
B: Read and review Family of Adoption by Joyce Maguire Pavao
C: Read and review 20 Things Adopted Children Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
D: Continue discussing what you are reading with each other.
Outcome: Family will increase their knowledge of adoption issues their child may face.
Transracial Plan (in the event child of different ethnicity is placed in the family)
Strategies:
A: Read and review Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall
B: Research resources in the community that promote inclusion of other cultures
C: Find information about adoption support groups in the area that focus on transracial adoption. Consider joining the group.
D: Identify books related to the possible various ethnicities of child. Once ethnicity is known, read identified books.
E: Write out a transracial plan that includes activities that you will do with your child to promote his/her ethnic identity
Outcome: The couple will have a plan in place to provide for child’s ethnic identity.
Educate extended family and close friends on adoption issues
Strategies:
A: Discuss positive adoption vocabulary with family and friends
B: Discuss the importance of honoring the child’s past connections
C: Discuss ways in which to handle questions and comments from strangers
D: Provide family with books to read, such as Family
of Adoption by Joyce Maguire Pavao, or choose a personal favorite
Outcome: Family and friends will be positive and educated about adoption, enabling them to address it appropriately with the adopted child.
Educate oneself, extended family and close friends on open adoption
Strategies:
A: Please read and review Making Room in Our Hearts by Mickey
Duxbury and consider how you will promote your relationship with the
birth parents
B: Provide family and close friends with the above book and encourage
them to read it
C: Discuss the importance of honoring the child’s birth family, extended
family and past connections with family and close friends
Outcome: You, family and friends will be positive about and educated on open adoption.
Plan to honor birth parents and child’s past connections
Strategies:
A: Choose places in the home where birth family pictures can be hung or placed
B: Consider family rituals (prayers, celebrations) where the birth family and past connections can be thanked, prayed for, or acknowledged in some way
C: Make a plan for honoring the child’s past connections
Outcome: Family will have a plan to honor child’s birth family and past connections.
Attachment and Bonding
Strategies:
A: Read The Attachment Parenting Book by William Sears, M.D. &
Martha Sears, R.N.
B: Read and review Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray if adopting an older child or one who has been in foster care
C: Do on line research about activities that promote attachment
D: Make a plan of activities that promote attachment
Outcome: Couple will have an understanding of attachment/bonding and have a plan of activities that they will do with their child to promote both.
Prepare financially for the adoption
Strategies:
A: Create a will
B: Consider a life insurance plan
C: Contact your health insurance company and speak to them about when and how to add your new child onto the health insurance plan
D: Find out when the child will be fully covered by health insurance
Outcome: Couple will be financially prepared for the adoption of their child.
Continue to prepare the home for the safety and well-being of the child
Strategies:
A: Make the home safe as appropriate for the age of the child, including finishing up any home projects
B: Prepare the child’s room
C: Consider how you will acclimate the cats to the new baby.
And a suggestion (not mandatory):
D: Attend infant/toddler CPR and first aid training. Become certified
Outcome: Couple will have a safe and inviting environment when the child comes home.
Parenting Skills
Strategies:
A: Participate in an adoptive parenting skills/infants class. A class
specifically designed for adoptive parents is available in the Portland
area. See www.nafaonline.org Provide proof of attendance.
B:: Research pediatricians in the area; select one prior to placement of a
child
C:: Identify and explore potential resources for your family, such as play
groups, other adoptive families, and community resources
Outcome: Couple will feel competent and at ease in taking care of an infant by the time child arrives home.
Research alcohol, drug, and tobacco use during pregnancy
Strategies:
A: Read and review Adoption and Prenatal Alcohol and Drug Exposure; Research, Policy, and Practice; edited by Richard P. Barth, Madelyn Freundlich, and David Brodzinsky.
B: Make notes on special ways in which to care for a drug exposed baby
C: Have discussions with families who are raising or who have raised adopted children who were exposed to alcohol, drugs, or tobacco in utero
Outcome: Couple will be knowledgeable of the effects of substance abuse during pregnancy.
And finally, a suggestion (not mandatory): Create a Life Book for your adopted child
Strategies:
A: Have family members write and/or draw about their feelings for the child/adoption prior to placement
B: Add photos of your adoption journey (with captions) as they become available
C: If appropriate, include things from the birth family
D: Continue to add to the album until child comes home
Outcome: Family will have an album in place to show the child as (s)he grows up about how (s)he came to be in the family
Adoption Education
Strategies:
A: Attend Journeys of the Heart adoption education class
B: Read and review Family of Adoption by Joyce Maguire Pavao
C: Read and review 20 Things Adopted Children Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
D: Continue discussing what you are reading with each other.
Outcome: Family will increase their knowledge of adoption issues their child may face.
Transracial Plan (in the event child of different ethnicity is placed in the family)
Strategies:
A: Read and review Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall
B: Research resources in the community that promote inclusion of other cultures
C: Find information about adoption support groups in the area that focus on transracial adoption. Consider joining the group.
D: Identify books related to the possible various ethnicities of child. Once ethnicity is known, read identified books.
E: Write out a transracial plan that includes activities that you will do with your child to promote his/her ethnic identity
Outcome: The couple will have a plan in place to provide for child’s ethnic identity.
Educate extended family and close friends on adoption issues
Strategies:
A: Discuss positive adoption vocabulary with family and friends
B: Discuss the importance of honoring the child’s past connections
C: Discuss ways in which to handle questions and comments from strangers
D: Provide family with books to read, such as Family
of Adoption by Joyce Maguire Pavao, or choose a personal favorite
Outcome: Family and friends will be positive and educated about adoption, enabling them to address it appropriately with the adopted child.
Educate oneself, extended family and close friends on open adoption
Strategies:
A: Please read and review Making Room in Our Hearts by Mickey
Duxbury and consider how you will promote your relationship with the
birth parents
B: Provide family and close friends with the above book and encourage
them to read it
C: Discuss the importance of honoring the child’s birth family, extended
family and past connections with family and close friends
Outcome: You, family and friends will be positive about and educated on open adoption.
Plan to honor birth parents and child’s past connections
Strategies:
A: Choose places in the home where birth family pictures can be hung or placed
B: Consider family rituals (prayers, celebrations) where the birth family and past connections can be thanked, prayed for, or acknowledged in some way
C: Make a plan for honoring the child’s past connections
Outcome: Family will have a plan to honor child’s birth family and past connections.
Attachment and Bonding
Strategies:
A: Read The Attachment Parenting Book by William Sears, M.D. &
Martha Sears, R.N.
B: Read and review Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray if adopting an older child or one who has been in foster care
C: Do on line research about activities that promote attachment
D: Make a plan of activities that promote attachment
Outcome: Couple will have an understanding of attachment/bonding and have a plan of activities that they will do with their child to promote both.
Prepare financially for the adoption
Strategies:
A: Create a will
B: Consider a life insurance plan
C: Contact your health insurance company and speak to them about when and how to add your new child onto the health insurance plan
D: Find out when the child will be fully covered by health insurance
Outcome: Couple will be financially prepared for the adoption of their child.
Continue to prepare the home for the safety and well-being of the child
Strategies:
A: Make the home safe as appropriate for the age of the child, including finishing up any home projects
B: Prepare the child’s room
C: Consider how you will acclimate the cats to the new baby.
And a suggestion (not mandatory):
D: Attend infant/toddler CPR and first aid training. Become certified
Outcome: Couple will have a safe and inviting environment when the child comes home.
Parenting Skills
Strategies:
A: Participate in an adoptive parenting skills/infants class. A class
specifically designed for adoptive parents is available in the Portland
area. See www.nafaonline.org Provide proof of attendance.
B:: Research pediatricians in the area; select one prior to placement of a
child
C:: Identify and explore potential resources for your family, such as play
groups, other adoptive families, and community resources
Outcome: Couple will feel competent and at ease in taking care of an infant by the time child arrives home.
Research alcohol, drug, and tobacco use during pregnancy
Strategies:
A: Read and review Adoption and Prenatal Alcohol and Drug Exposure; Research, Policy, and Practice; edited by Richard P. Barth, Madelyn Freundlich, and David Brodzinsky.
B: Make notes on special ways in which to care for a drug exposed baby
C: Have discussions with families who are raising or who have raised adopted children who were exposed to alcohol, drugs, or tobacco in utero
Outcome: Couple will be knowledgeable of the effects of substance abuse during pregnancy.
And finally, a suggestion (not mandatory): Create a Life Book for your adopted child
Strategies:
A: Have family members write and/or draw about their feelings for the child/adoption prior to placement
B: Add photos of your adoption journey (with captions) as they become available
C: If appropriate, include things from the birth family
D: Continue to add to the album until child comes home
Outcome: Family will have an album in place to show the child as (s)he grows up about how (s)he came to be in the family
now we wait
Our home study was officially approved by our agency on March 13th. A few days later we turned in five copies of our portfolio to both the Oregon and Washington offices. We have reached the waiting/preparation phase of our adoption process. Yesterday, we received our service plan, which outlines the activities we must complete prior to placement. I’ll share more about that in another post.
Our conversations with family and friends continue. We have been discussing everything from raising a child of another race to finances to child care to the best car seats. I think that I’ve been quiet lately about my feelings and my plans because we really don’t know when we will be selected. I somehow feel disingenuous, like we’re faking it. It really would be easier if we were pregnant because then we at least have a specific date for the baby’s arrival. Obviously, we will have a specific deadline once we are selected, but at that point we won’t have much time to prepare. It’s a catch 22.
One thing I can say, the service plan will help motivate me to get some things done. It will help us prioritize and start to determine what we should get done in advance, even if we haven’t been selected yet.
So here’s to the waiting…may it be filled with lots of progress on our service plan.
Our conversations with family and friends continue. We have been discussing everything from raising a child of another race to finances to child care to the best car seats. I think that I’ve been quiet lately about my feelings and my plans because we really don’t know when we will be selected. I somehow feel disingenuous, like we’re faking it. It really would be easier if we were pregnant because then we at least have a specific date for the baby’s arrival. Obviously, we will have a specific deadline once we are selected, but at that point we won’t have much time to prepare. It’s a catch 22.
One thing I can say, the service plan will help motivate me to get some things done. It will help us prioritize and start to determine what we should get done in advance, even if we haven’t been selected yet.
So here’s to the waiting…may it be filled with lots of progress on our service plan.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
the home study process
We had our first home study visit on Tuesday, which lasted about three hours. Our social worker, Connie, asked a myriad of questions about our childhoods, education, family, friends, parenting beliefs, etc. It was an interesting process to be on the other end of all the questions. Overall, I don’t think we came off as too crazy.
Today, Connie completed the second and final home visit. She completed the safety check list which is required by DHS. We passed, but that’s not too surprising since it’s pretty common sense safety things (like clean water and smoke detectors).
Connie should have our home study turned into Journeys within three weeks (maybe less). The home study will then be reviewed by a committee who makes the final approval. I have little doubt that we will pass, it’s more a matter of how much time it’ll take to approve everything. We paid the final fee to get into the domestic program, so as soon as our home study is approved we will be in the waiting families pool.
Once in the pool, our portfolio (essentially a photo book of us, our family and friends) can be show to any birth mom who meets our criteria. We are pretty open to most races, potential minor medical issues and possible drug exposure. Because we are open, we will likely be shown to a larger number of mothers and are therefore more likely to be chosen. However, as I’ve said before, it could be a matter of a few weeks or a matter of many months.
With all that said, I’m feeling pretty hopeful about everything. I’m slowly starting to think about what we need once the baby comes. However, my friend Gina told me not to worry about it too much since we have so many people in our lives who will give and/or loan us things. I’m also researching infant care books. We really have very little working knowledge about what it’s going to be like once the baby is home. Suggestions are always welcome. :)
Today, Connie completed the second and final home visit. She completed the safety check list which is required by DHS. We passed, but that’s not too surprising since it’s pretty common sense safety things (like clean water and smoke detectors).
Connie should have our home study turned into Journeys within three weeks (maybe less). The home study will then be reviewed by a committee who makes the final approval. I have little doubt that we will pass, it’s more a matter of how much time it’ll take to approve everything. We paid the final fee to get into the domestic program, so as soon as our home study is approved we will be in the waiting families pool.
Once in the pool, our portfolio (essentially a photo book of us, our family and friends) can be show to any birth mom who meets our criteria. We are pretty open to most races, potential minor medical issues and possible drug exposure. Because we are open, we will likely be shown to a larger number of mothers and are therefore more likely to be chosen. However, as I’ve said before, it could be a matter of a few weeks or a matter of many months.
With all that said, I’m feeling pretty hopeful about everything. I’m slowly starting to think about what we need once the baby comes. However, my friend Gina told me not to worry about it too much since we have so many people in our lives who will give and/or loan us things. I’m also researching infant care books. We really have very little working knowledge about what it’s going to be like once the baby is home. Suggestions are always welcome. :)
Thursday, February 9, 2012
phone call
I called my grandmother today to make some plans for a visit in April. While on the phone, I told her about our plans to adopt (I haven’t talked to her since Christmas). She was so supportive as she listened to me explain. We talked about how we may be able to take a five generation photo at my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday (in September), if we have a placement by then. My grandmother said that she felt really excited about the prospect of a great-grandchild. It made me feel so happy. She’s so reserved and while I know she loves me, it’s nice to hear her express genuine excitement. It as a great moment and makes me only more excited about the adoption.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Another Step in Our Journey
We attended the NAFA (Northwest Adoptive Families Association) Infant and Toddler Care class yesterday. It was amazing!!! I thoroughly enjoyed each speaker, especially the nurse who gave such practical advice about basic care (feeding, bathing, diapering, etc.). There were also several break out classes that were fantastic; these included life story books, baby massage, car seats and breastfeeding for adoptions. This class really helped me feel free to start making plans for our baby. I finally feel as though we can start seriously thinking and gathering information about what items we’d like to have when the baby comes home.
There were several emotional moments through out the day for me. One most enjoyable things was being around other pre-adoptive parents and several adoptive parents. The language is so different. Instead of talking about difficult births, we talked about relationships with birth families, talking to a child about their story, attachment and bonding through the grief process, etc. I’ve been excited about the adoption, but being amongst all of these people, who are in a similar place, made me feel that I can finally be not only hopeful, but excited and can start thinking about our baby’s arrival.
The books we’ve been reading about adoption have really focused on the grief that each person in the adoptive triad (but especially the child) feels. These books have made me think about what we can do to attach and bond with our child. We can’t just take it for granted even though we’ll very likely have a newborn. Even a newborn will be grieving because he/she knew the sound of his/her mother, her smell and even her touch. We will be new to the baby. We won’t have the advantage of nine months of getting to know our baby or our baby getting to know us before the birth, so focusing on attachment and bonding is so important. With that in mind, I’ve spent much time thinking about how I want to increase attachment. I think we’ll focus on three things in particular: Co-sleeping (although this won’t be directly on the bed, we’ll probably get something that attaches to the bed), baby massage and (surprisingly) breastfeeding.
I’m sure many of you (specifically my co-workers) will be surprised that I’m seriously thinking about breastfeeding for two reasons: 1) Not many people know that a women can induce milk production without giving birth. 2) I’ve often talked about how the idea of breastfeeding makes me really uncomfortable. During the sessions on breast feeding (led by a mother who has breastfed both of her adoptive children), I realized that my main issue with breast feeding is being the food source. The idea makes me really uncomfortable. But, with breastfeeding in adoption, it’s pretty rare that you’ll be the primary source of food. Breastfeeding in adoption is mostly about attachment and connection. Plus, even if you have to almost totally bottle feed even a few drops of brest milk are valuable to the baby’s immune system. I’m actually surprised with myself about how much I think I want to do this. I’m certainly going to do more research.
I’m so glad that we took this class and I’m starting to get really excited about planning for our baby. It’s so hard to think about owning baby things, especially when you’ve gone through years of fertility issues, but as I said above, I finally feel like I can be hopeful and fully start preparing for our child.
There were several emotional moments through out the day for me. One most enjoyable things was being around other pre-adoptive parents and several adoptive parents. The language is so different. Instead of talking about difficult births, we talked about relationships with birth families, talking to a child about their story, attachment and bonding through the grief process, etc. I’ve been excited about the adoption, but being amongst all of these people, who are in a similar place, made me feel that I can finally be not only hopeful, but excited and can start thinking about our baby’s arrival.
The books we’ve been reading about adoption have really focused on the grief that each person in the adoptive triad (but especially the child) feels. These books have made me think about what we can do to attach and bond with our child. We can’t just take it for granted even though we’ll very likely have a newborn. Even a newborn will be grieving because he/she knew the sound of his/her mother, her smell and even her touch. We will be new to the baby. We won’t have the advantage of nine months of getting to know our baby or our baby getting to know us before the birth, so focusing on attachment and bonding is so important. With that in mind, I’ve spent much time thinking about how I want to increase attachment. I think we’ll focus on three things in particular: Co-sleeping (although this won’t be directly on the bed, we’ll probably get something that attaches to the bed), baby massage and (surprisingly) breastfeeding.
I’m sure many of you (specifically my co-workers) will be surprised that I’m seriously thinking about breastfeeding for two reasons: 1) Not many people know that a women can induce milk production without giving birth. 2) I’ve often talked about how the idea of breastfeeding makes me really uncomfortable. During the sessions on breast feeding (led by a mother who has breastfed both of her adoptive children), I realized that my main issue with breast feeding is being the food source. The idea makes me really uncomfortable. But, with breastfeeding in adoption, it’s pretty rare that you’ll be the primary source of food. Breastfeeding in adoption is mostly about attachment and connection. Plus, even if you have to almost totally bottle feed even a few drops of brest milk are valuable to the baby’s immune system. I’m actually surprised with myself about how much I think I want to do this. I’m certainly going to do more research.
I’m so glad that we took this class and I’m starting to get really excited about planning for our baby. It’s so hard to think about owning baby things, especially when you’ve gone through years of fertility issues, but as I said above, I finally feel like I can be hopeful and fully start preparing for our child.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
the process continues...
I'm feeling disappointed. Journeys just released their 2011 numbers, which were much worse than their 2010 numbers. In 2010, 80% of Oregon families had a placement within one month of being homestudy ready. In 2011, 43% of Northwest families had a placement within six months. So not only did the percentage go down, but the placement time was further out. I don't know what the difference is between Oregon families and Northwest families. For all I know we could have a better chance than other NW families because we actually live in the Metro area. I'm telling myself these hopeful things so that I feel a bit better, but I still feel really disappointed.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
funny baby misunderstanding.
I start off this story with a little background: My friends at work used to frequently ask me questions about the fertility process and now the adoption process. They know how hard our journey towards parenthood has been and are excited that we'll hopefully have a baby soon. They have even started to talk about a babyshower. Keep this in mind as you read the rest of the story.
Yesterday, my friend Amada brought to work a Rosca, a oval shaped sweet bread, in celebration of Three Kings Day. The best part of the Rosca is that they bake little baby Jesuses into it. The people who find a baby Jesus get to help plan some sort of celebration that takes place in February (I'm not entirely sure on the details). Regardless of our lack of knowledge about this tradition, it was clear that we all wanted to get a baby Jesus. In our first round of cake cutting and eating, only one person got a baby Jesus (it was not me). However, later that afternoon, I got a second try and I did find a baby Jesus. A couple minutes later, my friend Molly walked up to me as she was about to leave and without thinking about how it sounded, I said, "I got a baby". The look on her face was priceless. Her eyes bugged out of her head and her jaw dropped. It took me a split section to figure out why she was so shocked. I grabbed her shoulders and explained that I wasn't talking about the adoption, but the Rosca. We both laughed.
It's moments like these that bring a lightheartedness to my journey through the adoption process. Thanks Molly for the laugh.
Yesterday, my friend Amada brought to work a Rosca, a oval shaped sweet bread, in celebration of Three Kings Day. The best part of the Rosca is that they bake little baby Jesuses into it. The people who find a baby Jesus get to help plan some sort of celebration that takes place in February (I'm not entirely sure on the details). Regardless of our lack of knowledge about this tradition, it was clear that we all wanted to get a baby Jesus. In our first round of cake cutting and eating, only one person got a baby Jesus (it was not me). However, later that afternoon, I got a second try and I did find a baby Jesus. A couple minutes later, my friend Molly walked up to me as she was about to leave and without thinking about how it sounded, I said, "I got a baby". The look on her face was priceless. Her eyes bugged out of her head and her jaw dropped. It took me a split section to figure out why she was so shocked. I grabbed her shoulders and explained that I wasn't talking about the adoption, but the Rosca. We both laughed.
It's moments like these that bring a lightheartedness to my journey through the adoption process. Thanks Molly for the laugh.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
positive vs. negative language
Sometimes politically correct language is important, especially when a child's perception of the language used regarding their adoption can deeply impact their identity.
positive vs. negative:
* Birthparent vs. Real Parent
* Biological vs. Natural parent
* Birth child vs. Own child
* My child vs. Adoptive child
* Terminate/relinquished parental rights vs. Give up
* Make an adoption plan vs. Give away
* To parent vs. To keep
* Waiting child vs. adoptable child/available child
* Biological or birthfather vs. Real father
* Parent vs. Adoptive Parent
* Adoption triad vs. Adoption triangle
* Child placed for adoption vs. Unwanted child
* Was adopted vs. Is adopted
positive vs. negative:
* Birthparent vs. Real Parent
* Biological vs. Natural parent
* Birth child vs. Own child
* My child vs. Adoptive child
* Terminate/relinquished parental rights vs. Give up
* Make an adoption plan vs. Give away
* To parent vs. To keep
* Waiting child vs. adoptable child/available child
* Biological or birthfather vs. Real father
* Parent vs. Adoptive Parent
* Adoption triad vs. Adoption triangle
* Child placed for adoption vs. Unwanted child
* Was adopted vs. Is adopted
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
join us in our journey
The purpose of this blog is to share the journey of our adoption process with our family and friends. Even though Joel and I have personal experiences that have already helped us in the process, it's clear that there is so much we don't know about open adoption. Last night, as I was reviewing some of the material provided by our adoption agency, I noticed that most of their service plans (what the agency wants a family to do before adoption) include an "educate family and friends" section. I have mixed feelings about the name of that section for a couple reasons: On one hand, I do want my family and friends to understand our motivations, what's going to happen and the impact that open adoption will have on not only Joel and I, but also on them. On the other, it feels as though we are saying that they don't know anything; therefore, we have "educate" them, so they don't say or do something they shouldn't. Ultimately, I guess there's a balance to be had. Instead of having the attitude "let us teach you", we want to have the attitude "let's go on this journey together". We want all of you, our family and friends, to join us in the learning process as we become parents through adoption.
This is a private blog. You can access it by invitation only. Instead of using Facebook or other (very open) media, we have chosen an outlet that will allow us to screen our audience. By receiving an invitation, we are saying that we want you to be a part of our adoption journey. We are going to share the process, what we're learning, our struggles and (hopefully) information about our future son or daughter.
Thank you for joining us!
This is a private blog. You can access it by invitation only. Instead of using Facebook or other (very open) media, we have chosen an outlet that will allow us to screen our audience. By receiving an invitation, we are saying that we want you to be a part of our adoption journey. We are going to share the process, what we're learning, our struggles and (hopefully) information about our future son or daughter.
Thank you for joining us!
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