the home study process

We had our first home study visit on Tuesday, which lasted about three hours. Our social worker, Connie, asked a myriad of questions about our childhoods, education, family, friends, parenting beliefs, etc. It was an interesting process to be on the other end of all the questions. Overall, I don’t think we came off as too crazy.

Today, Connie completed the second and final home visit. She completed the safety check list which is required by DHS. We passed, but that’s not too surprising since it’s pretty common sense safety things (like clean water and smoke detectors).

Connie should have our home study turned into Journeys within three weeks (maybe less). The home study will then be reviewed by a committee who makes the final approval. I have little doubt that we will pass, it’s more a matter of how much time it’ll take to approve everything. We paid the final fee to get into the domestic program, so as soon as our home study is approved we will be in the waiting families pool.

Once in the pool, our portfolio (essentially a photo book of us, our family and friends) can be show to any birth mom who meets our criteria. We are pretty open to most races, potential minor medical issues and possible drug exposure. Because we are open, we will likely be shown to a larger number of mothers and are therefore more likely to be chosen. However, as I’ve said before, it could be a matter of a few weeks or a matter of many months.

With all that said, I’m feeling pretty hopeful about everything. I’m slowly starting to think about what we need once the baby comes. However, my friend Gina told me not to worry about it too much since we have so many people in our lives who will give and/or loan us things. I’m also researching infant care books. We really have very little working knowledge about what it’s going to be like once the baby is home. Suggestions are always welcome. :)

phone call

I called my grandmother today to make some plans for a visit in April. While on the phone, I told her about our plans to adopt (I haven’t talked to her since Christmas). She was so supportive as she listened to me explain. We talked about how we may be able to take a five generation photo at my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday (in September), if we have a placement by then. My grandmother said that she felt really excited about the prospect of a great-grandchild. It made me feel so happy. She’s so reserved and while I know she loves me, it’s nice to hear her express genuine excitement. It as a great moment and makes me only more excited about the adoption.

Another Step in Our Journey

We attended the NAFA (Northwest Adoptive Families Association) Infant and Toddler Care class yesterday. It was amazing!!! I thoroughly enjoyed each speaker, especially the nurse who gave such practical advice about basic care (feeding, bathing, diapering, etc.). There were also several break out classes that were fantastic; these included life story books, baby massage, car seats and breastfeeding for adoptions. This class really helped me feel free to start making plans for our baby. I finally feel as though we can start seriously thinking and gathering information about what items we’d like to have when the baby comes home.

There were several emotional moments through out the day for me. One most enjoyable things was being around other pre-adoptive parents and several adoptive parents. The language is so different. Instead of talking about difficult births, we talked about relationships with birth families, talking to a child about their story, attachment and bonding through the grief process, etc. I’ve been excited about the adoption, but being amongst all of these people, who are in a similar place, made me feel that I can finally be not only hopeful, but excited and can start thinking about our baby’s arrival.

The books we’ve been reading about adoption have really focused on the grief that each person in the adoptive triad (but especially the child) feels. These books have made me think about what we can do to attach and bond with our child. We can’t just take it for granted even though we’ll very likely have a newborn. Even a newborn will be grieving because he/she knew the sound of his/her mother, her smell and even her touch. We will be new to the baby. We won’t have the advantage of nine months of getting to know our baby or our baby getting to know us before the birth, so focusing on attachment and bonding is so important. With that in mind, I’ve spent much time thinking about how I want to increase attachment. I think we’ll focus on three things in particular: Co-sleeping (although this won’t be directly on the bed, we’ll probably get something that attaches to the bed), baby massage and (surprisingly) breastfeeding.

I’m sure many of you (specifically my co-workers) will be surprised that I’m seriously thinking about breastfeeding for two reasons: 1) Not many people know that a women can induce milk production without giving birth. 2) I’ve often talked about how the idea of breastfeeding makes me really uncomfortable. During the sessions on breast feeding (led by a mother who has breastfed both of her adoptive children), I realized that my main issue with breast feeding is being the food source. The idea makes me really uncomfortable. But, with breastfeeding in adoption, it’s pretty rare that you’ll be the primary source of food. Breastfeeding in adoption is mostly about attachment and connection. Plus, even if you have to almost totally bottle feed even a few drops of brest milk are valuable to the baby’s immune system. I’m actually surprised with myself about how much I think I want to do this. I’m certainly going to do more research.

I’m so glad that we took this class and I’m starting to get really excited about planning for our baby. It’s so hard to think about owning baby things, especially when you’ve gone through years of fertility issues, but as I said above, I finally feel like I can be hopeful and fully start preparing for our child.